Relationships can be complicated – there’s no doubt about that. But every relationship is just more energy bouncing around between two people. We are a vibrational match to every person with whom we have an interaction – from the ones we share our home with, to the ones who deliver our mail in the morning. Every person with whom we come into contact, even for a moment, reflects for us whatever we have going on vibrationally. The information is there for us to observe whenever we choose to.
Any relationship that challenges us has a karmic purpose. It is offering us the opportunity to learn the lessons we agreed to come into this lifetime for. The relationships to which we feel particularly bound have this purpose – they are designed to have more impact, sometimes more longevity, to give us the best chance at staying the course and receiving the learning.
At the end of the day, the postman is not in the best position to teach us our biggest life lessons if we only see him for a minute each month. Our parents, partners, children, or bosses, however… they are a different story.
The subject of affairs and infidelities is a controversial one and I want to broach it for anybody who’d like to understand more about what’s going on there from a vibrational perspective.
The essence of every single one of us is love. We are all children of the Universe and we are all connected. Love runs through us all at our core. Love is extremely high on the scale of human emotions and unconditional love is even higher. It’s right up there with joy, appreciation, ecstasy, freedom and euphoria.
Infidelities occur as a result of somebody either consciously or subconsciously, attempting to move themselves up the emotional scale. What I mean by this is they want to feel better than they do, so they do what it takes to achieve this. Our natural state is love; the only thing ever holding us apart from that is our egoic minds, so it stands to reason that we might behave in ways we feel will help us get back to that frequency. An infidelity might take the form of some ‘uncomplicated sex’ (an attempt to create a euphoric moment), or it might equate to a full blown affair where emotional support is the driver.
The problem with affairs and infidelities is this. Although they may line up with high vibrational emotions in one respect, their foundation is built on deception, not truth. Truth is what represents love, the highest of frequencies, in a sustainable form.
When we embark on a journey of spiritual growth, the desire to fulfil our own needs, whatever those may be, becomes very strong. And rightly so. We aren’t here to please anybody else. But, if in honouring our own needs, we dishonour somebody else’s, we are more likely to bring our own vibration down than raise it up.
We are all connected, so ultimately we cannot hurt another person without hurting ourselves. That is the case whether we know that person or not and indeed whether we are the one who pledged faithfulness to them or not. From a human perspective, our belief system is key to this. Infidelity is something that our culture teaches us is fundamentally wrong. We learn that it is inappropriate and unkind. It doesn’t represent how we would want to be treated. These beliefs are embedded in us throughout life. And not just in religious studies classes. In movies we see pain caused by infidelities and many of us see the effects in real life scenarios too.
Now we can stand back and play the ‘Don’t judge me’ card here if we are the one partaking in the wrong-doing. I’ve been there myself and justified my actions until I was blue in the face… I was unhappy… I was led astray… it’s nobody else’s business… she wasn’t treating him right, etc. etc. I strongly agree that it is never appropriate to judge somebody else’s life choices and I’m certainly not writing this to call anyone out on their actions. Anyone who knows me is in no doubt that they could sit at my table and tell me anything and there would be no judgement.
But here is the point about our belief system. We judge ourselves based on it. Unless we are someone entirely without empathy, being party to an infidelity will damage our view of ourselves on some level. And anything that has the ability to do that, goes against the alternative choice we could be making, to honour ourselves.
When we choose to be with somebody who is not fully available to us, we are dishonouring our own needs to the highest degree. This can only come from a place of not feeling worthy enough to receive something more fulfilling. Unworthiness holds the vibration of fear – it literally says to the Universe I am fearful that I cannot attract a more complete relationship than this. We cannot be loving ourselves and feel fear at the same time. The two things are poles apart vibrationally.
The same applies to a person being unfaithful to their partner. They too are operating from a place of fear and lack. This has to be the case because the parties in a relationship are always vibrationally matched. Perhaps they don’t have the courage to be completely honest about their own needs and desires, in which case they are not honouring their own boundaries. Perhaps they feel they need the attention of multiple people because they are so bereft of love for themselves that it has to be filled up from other sources. The scenarios are all rooted in emotional pain and driven from a child-ego state; they are not lined up with the vibration of love.
To manifest the life we want and feel truly happy with who we are, we need to be loving ourselves. To be loving ourselves, we must line up with the frequencies of love and truth. That means knowing ourselves; understanding our behaviours and having the courage to step behind the stories we tell about why we make the choices we do. It means accepting ourselves; something that is very difficult to do while we are breaching our own core values. Those values that are infused in us through our belief systems. And it means honouring ourselves; making good choices for our best self… not the self that feels they don’t deserve very much.
We all have an inherent need to raise our vibration as high as we can. But the kind of gratification gained from having clandestine relationships is not the answer to our vibrational needs. When we take the time to really drill down on what it is we get from an illicit relationship, we can start to identify other ways we can meet these needs for ourselves. If it’s excitement, book a bungee jump; if it’s freedom, walk along the clifftops; if it’s more love, get some relationship counselling; if it’s someone different, maybe change your partner.
Loving ourselves doesn’t start with having the love and respect of others. It starts with us respecting ourselves. When we do that, one of the positive consequences is that we respect the people around us more. That’s because those are the vibrations we’re emitting. Love and respect become the frequencies we’re playing at.
Affairs and infidelities are just another form of avoidance in the same way that addictions are. They exist because emotional pain exists. When we heal ourselves, we can’t help but line up with the truth and the truth is what sits in the vibration of love.
If this article resonates and you are interested in making some positive vibrational changes in your life, check out the Happiest You Programme section on this website.
Much love and abundance to you,
Kate x