When The Universe Has A Different Plan…

It’s been a while since I’ve added to my blog because last summer, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Contrast that big has a way of refocusing the mind and, as inconvenient as that may be, it serves as a reminder that, even for us conscious creators, we are not the ones in control! 

I can say that with clarity now, but I have to tell you that accepting cancer into my wonderful life, where I take responsibility for everything, hasn’t been completely straight forward. It certainly wasn’t what I was expecting.

After all, I was riding high, feeling like everything was coming together. I was just a few weeks off launching my online programme and full of love for it. I remember my first thought when the doctor confirmed I had cancer was not the typical “Why me?” but “Well how the hell have I attracted this?” 

I questioned my own authenticity. Was I really as good at ‘life’ as I thought? Crikey my job was helping people manifest health, happiness, love and wealth – how could I continue my work when I was attracting stuff like cancer? Was I a complete fraud? Would my friends and family think I was full of spiritual tosh?  

“Sometimes the best alignment produces something you may consider a challenge.”  Abraham Hicks

The funny thing was, despite having some dark thoughts, I also had a much stronger underlying feeling that everything was really ok and that I didn’t need fixing. I know how strange this must sound, but I actually felt excited – like something amazing was about to happen in my life… All I could think was if the Universe has my back, how could this not turn out to be a gift of some kind? 

“Contrast is your friend, not your enemy.”  Abraham Hicks

I remember about two months before my diagnosis saying to Simon that the only part of my online course that I felt slightly apprehensive about teaching was the module on manifesting good health. This was because, apart from depression, I had never had what I considered to be a serious illness before. I questioned how I could connect and empathise with people wanting to overcome the limitations of severe illness. No need for me to tell you be careful what you wish for!!  

I’ve since wondered if I was in denial at that stage, that I was simply using my inner strength to do what I had to do to get through the coming months of treatment, but I don’t think I was. I think what was happening was, because I was in such a good place, working every day on something that filled me with passion, playing tennis, (which I love), four times a week, I was fiercely aligned with my soul and how it felt. And how it felt was GREAT – cancer or no cancer!  

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; but the ability to deal with them.” Steve Maraboli

Over the next few months, I surprised myself. I set out on a journey to embrace the experience of cancer fully, and in particular, with love. Anything less would have felt like resistance because it was all part of what my body had created – all a part of me. I was determined to do whatever I could to heal, or at the very least, help myself. Breasts represent nurture, so nurture and self-compassion became my focus – physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

I read, researched and questioned. I bought books on radical remission, mind body healing, vegan cooking. I juiced. I took anything that wasn’t an organic plant out of my diet, and I embarked on a holistic ritual of emotional clearing. Meditation, Reiki, medicinal mushrooms, immune building and cancer suppressing supplements, exercise, comedy and frequency medicine were all built into my daily routine. There was room for little else but healing.  

Cancer is a whole industry and it’s one based on fear – for obvious reasons. If ever there was a challenge to stay in ‘my good place’, it was then.  After all, everyone has a cancer story and most are eager, with all good intentions, to get down in the cancer dirt to play with you.

The pitying looks and titbits of other’s survival stories become part of daily life. People are good, especially in a crisis. They want to do all they can to help, and they feel out of control – especially when someone they love is trying to resist conventional medicine and forge their own path to wellness. That was me.

In the beginning I resisted the conventional medical pathway, including the advised surgery. I felt like I was in a narrow corridor of hospital doors each home to a doctor waving his naughty finger at me when I wouldn’t relinquish control of my fate. Facts and figures behind tried and tested treatments thrust in my face, that to me felt largely unnecessary. 

I followed my heart for four months, finding my voice to push back on surgery and treatment to the frustration of those around me. It was challenging. Every time I went back into the hospital environment, surrounded by people who all thought the same way, I shot straight back into a vibration of fear and doubt for what I was trying to achieve. I wobbled. Often.

The cancer did stop growing in the months after I was diagnosed. But I didn’t manage to shrink it and when my ultrasounds showed that some of my lymph nodes were getting angry – signifying that the cancer had metastasized into them – I decided to go ahead with an operation. Part of my left breast and all the axillary lymph nodes were removed in five hours of surgery. 

When I finally went ahead with the op, I was in a place where it felt like absolutely the right thing to do. The Universe had lined up all the people for me to help me make a decision, in perfect timing and everything fell into place within days. I felt calm and positive about what I was doing, whereas prior to that, it hadn’t felt like the right thing to do at all. It felt like I was being pushed into something by ‘the system’ and that felt terrible. 

I waited until the right path opened up for me, despite how uncomfortable it made everyone else around me feel. It’s hard to stay your course and stick to your own beliefs when they contradict what the majority of the world believes.

Those around us want what’s best for us, but what they think is best can only align with their own beliefs; what makes them feel most comfortable.  I was glad I waited until I had some clarity of my own and, whilst I had to keep checking in with my ego to make sure I wasn’t just being stubborn about being right, I got there in the end.  Everything went smoothly and the op was a great success. 

Nobody can prepare you for the difficult decisions you have to make after a cancer diagnosis. These don’t stop with surgery or even after the other treatments are over. Now more than ever I have to make a conscious daily decision to live in the vibration of love, unlimited by the fear of what might happen next. But it’s so worth the effort! 

And I was right about this being a gift. I’d like to share with you the incredible side of what having cancer has given me…

  1. know now that it is possible to empower yourself through ANY situation. And I learned that the tools we need to get us through times of great adversity and contrast are the same as those I advocate for simply feeling happy in life. Having faith, self-compassion and consistently connecting to the energy of the Universe is what it takes.
  2. Good and bad is whatever YOU define it to be. End of.
  3. When you’re faced with contrast, the only thing to do is give yourself more love. Don’t waste time asking how, why or what you’ve done to create something. You’ve done nothing wrong and nothing is ever going wrong. 
  4. Proper clean eating is the most awesome thing you can do for yourself. It makes you feel fabulous. (But… never beat yourself up for not doing it right because that’s the opposite of being compassionate with yourself.)
  5. Life isn’t always easy; nor is it supposed to be, so appreciate every second that is!
  6. A deep dive into learning something new feels great – whatever the circumstances. 
  7. People are amazing. Your friends want to support you. You family wants to love you. Your doctors want to heal you. Let them. No (wo)man is an island.
  8. Gratitude really does change everything. 
  9. Self-transformation isn’t comfortable – when you ask for spiritual growth, expect a bumpy ride! As the saying goes, a smooth sea never made a good sailor! 
  10. Finally, you are stronger and more incredible than you think. And you don’t need to overcome your own serious contrast before you start believing it.

Adults behaving badly

arguing silhouettes

A friend of mine was very upset this week because of an incident that happened at school. Her son had been playing with a little girl on the wet playing fields and both children’s coats had got a bit muddy. My friend wasn’t surprised by this, her son is 7 and muddy clothes come home on a daily basis. She says “It’s par for the course with boys.” However, the mother of the little girl was very cross about her coat being dirty because she had only recently washed it. She told her daughter that my friend should wash the coat, or her son should be made to do it! 

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How Does Life Change When We Follow Our Inspiration?

A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, something I rarely do, when a beautiful picture jumped off the page at me. I say it like that, not for dramatic effect, but because it’s the best way I can describe how it actually felt. It literally gave me butterflies. A feeling of nervous excitement rose up in my stomach and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.

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Conscious Parenting – Why Children Know Best

I had a very thought provoking experience with my youngest daughter a little while ago.  Kitty, then 6, is an incredibly sociable little girl, bright and bubbly and full of love. She also has one of the strongest wills I’ve ever come across! My older daughter, Georgie, is 12 years Kitty’s senior and she was born when I was just 26. For many reasons, I was far more controlling in nature 20 years ago and I have to admit I parented very differently. I think if I were trying to parent Kitty like I once parented, my life would probably feel like one constant battle.

My parenting of Georgie at six was much less ‘conscious’ and more based around the ‘shoulds’ of traditional societal demands. In short, the focus was about her conforming to how I needed her to be in order to feel comfortable myself; like a ‘good’ parent.  How I needed her to be, was beautifully behaved and acceptable to everyone she came into contact with, be it her teachers, my parents, the people at the next table to us in a restaurant, a complete stranger in the street who we’d never see again; the list goes on! Continue reading “Conscious Parenting – Why Children Know Best”

How to Make BIG Life Changes… Easily

Make Big Life Changes

Sometimes, when you’re living with circumstances that aren’t enjoyable, it can be easy to believe that you are STUCK. All manner of restrictions can cause this thinking such as personal obligation, finances, age, capabilities, or qualifications. But it doesn’t have to be that way and you might be surprised to know that with a change of focus and some clarity around what it is you do want, it’s way easier than you might think to ring in the changes. In very little time, you could be experiencing happiness in every area of your life.

Take your work, as an example. Forget for a moment having a job that’s “Okay, all things considered”, let’s open up your mind to the possibility that you could have a job beyond your wildest dreams. One that you absolutely LOVE!

In the four step process I’m about to share with you, your vibration will rise so high it will be impossible for you to attract or stay in a job that you don’t love, because you’ll no longer be a vibrational match to it. Here goes: Continue reading “How to Make BIG Life Changes… Easily”

Twelve Tips to Feel Happy

Happy Smile

I’d like to be clear about something right from the start. Being ‘happy’ doesn’t mean you are always in a good mood. When I refer to being happy, I’m talking about feeling fundamentally positive and hopeful about your life; being able to really enjoy who you are; feeling pleased and excited about waking up in the morning. There is a lot of pressure on people to be happy these days, especially young people who are exposed to so much social media. It’s overflowing with inspirational quotes and photos of people all having fun. But if you aren’t already in a good place, it can be very unhelpful to see all that stuff. It can even go the other way and be a total turn off to trying to make yourself feel happier.

I want to give you some tips for where to start in your quest to feel better if you don’t feel great right now. I haven’t always felt happy myself, so I’m going with what worked for me in the hope that it will help you too.

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How Meditating Supercharges Your Manifesting Powers

I want to be absolutely clear on something before we get going: you are manifesting ALL of the time. You are a creator whether you like it or not and you don’t get to turn your manifesting powers on and off. You don’t need to think positively to manifest, you don’t need to meditate to manifest and you don’t need to ask the Universe for something to manifest. You are just doing it by being alive!

Being a conscious creator and manifesting the things you really want, is different. That’s as opposed to just manifesting some things you do want and some things you don’t. You know what I’m talking about; that kind of mixture of things in life that comes about as a result of just going through the motions without any awareness of what is really going on here. Continue reading “How Meditating Supercharges Your Manifesting Powers”

Procrastination – What it is and Why it Really is Okay

Where to start with the annoying little subject of procrastination! It frustrates, debilitates and has us beating up on ourselves. You know you create your own reality, so how can it possibly be okay to procrastinate? Is it laziness; lack of discipline; being easily distracted; not having realistic goals; not being a ‘completer-finisher’??

In the last three years, I’ve been a master in the art of procrastination, so I feel more than qualified to impart my knowledge on the subject. But get ready to be kinder to yourself….

Our world is completely focused on action orientated living and DOING is the number one important thing. In fact, did you know that ‘busy bragging’ is actually a thing? If you aren’t busy filling every second of your time then you are wasting it; if you don’t have the job you want then you aren’t working hard enough and if you haven’t solved your problems then you need to think more about them!
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Spiritual Growth and Why it Can Feel Like You Are Going Backwards

If you know that we are all connected, that we are vibrational beings and that we get to create our own reality, you are what is termed ‘enlightened’. Because you know these things, you are no doubt making an effort to behave more positively as a result, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll immediately kiss goodbye to meltdowns. Whatever form a ‘meltdown’ might take for you, be it an outright tantrum, a period of low mood, or plain and simply having an episode of projecting your emotions onto someone else, you don’t need to feel that the new improved you isn’t doing well or being authentic.Spiritual growth and why it can feel like you are going backwards
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